I wish the fandom was smaller.
There. I said it.
I don’t wish the boys hadn’t reached the heights they have, or hadn’t embraced their successes or personal artistic endeavours the way they have, or not done the important things to them. I want all that to have happened.
I just wish the fandom was smaller.
Naturally, that would be impossible, which is why I know this is a stupid sort of wish, but it’s still there, all the same.
Look, I’ve been ARMY since 2016. Twenty-goddamn-sixteen. I’ve been there when they were the underdogs and I’m still here, when six out of seven members are doing compulsory service and they’re still the biggest kpop band on the planet.
There used to be a time when it was hard to come across a BTS sasaeng, but now…now I’m hesitant to even introduce myself as ARMY, because there’s a 90% chance you’ll meet one straight off the bat. It’s because of the fandom. Not the boys — never the boys — but the fandom. We’ve got maniacs on twxtter picking fights with other groups for no reason, complete delulus who can’t even keep their shipping to themselves*, rich bitches who think that a $350 photocard makes them a better ARMY than someone who can’t afford that in their dreams, and on and on and on.
Hard truth: yeah, I’m embarrassed to call myself an ARMY publicly, but it’s not because of the boys I love. It’s because of the other people who claim to love them, and then act like this. I have ARMY tattooed indelibly on my heart, but I’m not sure other people do. Or care.
I know how stupid and elitist this sounds, and how indulgent. “Oh, it was better back when~” I do get that. But it used to be about love, not clout or dizzy-minded obsession, and I miss that. I fucking miss it. The love and laughter and creativity and the seven knots in purple thread around so many wrists.
I miss that, terribly.
* look, I know — shipping is going to happen, and I’m not saying you’re a bad person for enjoying it — unless you do so publicly. Keep that shit within a locked community. Prancing around openly declaring that you’re SO sure that Jimin and Yoongi are totes sekritly in love is so, so gross. If you wouldn’t ship random people you know in real life together openly (no, I don’t mean playing matchmaker or gently hinting over coffee that maybe X might catch your eye, Y? …OBVIOUSLY), don’t do it to the boys you claim to love or respect. It’s fucking gross.